Here's something to give you a laugh. I sent a polite email to my (ex-)friends in Lithgow last March saying I didn't want them to contact me anymore 'cos I realised they were shitty friends. They've been good about it... up 'til now. This is THE BEGINNING...

Hey Brodie, know that miserable life you wished me? Its not all that miserable actually. I have a boyfriend who loves me and tells me so on a regular basis, great friends (better than you, considering everyone I know from MacKillop tells me your a loner and so did the girls I met when I went up and practiced with their band as did the rest of La Salles band) and my family loves me and wants me. Im doing well in school and my life hasnt got a single bad aspect. I also have a job and am enjoying myself immensely. Thought Id just give you the heads up and let ya know I have no hard feelings towards you I just feel very very sorry for you because you are such a shallow and sad person who cant even realise that it was her depression that almost caused her to kill herself, not those around her who tried to help her. I dont wish you a miserable life; Im not that shallow and cruel. In fact, I wish you all the best and hope you find some happiness in your life at some stage. I also hope you can grow up sooner rather than later and see what fantastic friends you had in Steph, Marissa, Grace, Tiffany, Erin, Brooke and the rest of them. Im just glad I grew up and saw what I lost over a minor feud with Rachel and I now have it all back. If anything, my life is the exact opposite of what you wished me and I am so grateful for everything I have. All the best! Goodbye! Your ex-friend Kel

Then, my friend Mel sent her... THE FIRST REPLY. (this is a first draft: I can't find the better copy)

hey, this must be the infamous kelly-anne... well howdy. You sent an email to a very good friend of mine recently... well actually, my BEST friend. Man, that guy would hav to be pretty desperate, or have extrodinarily low standards, to be going out with someone like you. Great friends? that i doubt, anyone that would hang with you would hav to be just like you, and therefore couldn't possibly be a good friend! Unlike brodz, who is loyal, caring, considerate, kind, loving, and well.. to be blunt.. Everything that ur not! O, and whoever u talked to, doesn't kno shit, because Brodz has a tonne of friends, and we all love her a lot! NEWS FLASH, your family is kinda obligated to like you, yes, there r some screwball people that just don't give a shit, but most in the 'real world' aren't like that, so it's not as if thats something you can brag about! I guess that anyone could be doing well in school if they compare themselves to cockroaches, so next time, aim a little higher! Honey, you are you, that is the worst thing that anyone could imagine, so what do u mean that ur life doesn't have a single bad aspect? its hell on earth! but then again, as a daughter to the devil, i guess that that would be like a holiday to you. A job?? well, congratulations, you shove a prickly spike up anyones arse and they can do what they r asked to, that and its the money reward isn't it, the thing that u probably DIDN'T mention is that u probably work at some shit stinker like MacDonalds, don't you, well, thats a pheniominal sint for a hairy warthog like yourself!
Honey, if you would just pull your fat head out of your Russia-sized backside, then you would be able to see that the only shallow and sad person here is you. Your truely are a pompous, arrogant, self-centered daughter of a pig!
Brodie has found a lot of happiness here is bathurst, first she finally got away from your pathetic excuse for company, left that hole Lithgow (which you so fittingly call home), moved to a much better school aka MacKillop, and Made fantastic friends that truely apprectiate her for who she is, and don't just tolerate her existance by making her feel like worthless scum! If Steph, Marissa, Grace, Tiffany, Erin, Brooke and the rest of you cats were as good friends as you so claim, then why is brodie so keen to leave you behind and not have any connection to you what-so-ever? thats right, you know it too, that is because you are the worst friends that have ever festered the Earth with their presence!
Who really give a shit coated piece of toast in outer space if you had a fight with this Rachel chick and whether or not you decided that fighting with her could cost you loyalty points, coz true friends don't fight, , you know what thats means don't you?? You don't have any true frineds! shock horror! Like i could really, care, i actually love the idea of Karmar, because it means that whatever you've done to brodie AND OTHERS wiill be reflected back onto you threefold: i'd stay away from you for at least the next ten years if at all possible! Here's a hint - superstition is a good thing. stay away from black cats, ladders, mirrors, forks in the road and stock up on horse shoes and rabbits feet. (you'll need them!!!)
Even if you keep telling yourself that your life is as good as you say it is, i doubt that this little daydream of yours would EVER become a reality, sorry, but thats life!
All The best! Your ex-friends Best friend!
Sayonara Sweetheart

P.s. Good luck with Emmsy next year - HA!

Then my friend Jess from Lithgow sent me this...

hey thats a bitchy email from kellie-ann .pft. she has a BOYFRIEND?!? 1st if heard!!!and no1 likes her @ skool neway. no from the xpert!!!!u no u can trust me!!!!no1 likes her!!!1shes been rejected from everywhere!!!!!her family?i didnt think they were capable of luvin. ha. and shes had way more x-friends than ne1 i no. like, uh i dont no, me, u, katie, sandra, rachel h8ed her, music room ppl who neva even liked her 2 begin with...and wats with her addy?ur lips r venomous poison? she must b talken bout herself!they would b the only lips she gets... hahahaha. well about her heads up, she aint that happy.she is sooooooooooo alone. and she was always cryin 4 sumthin or anotha at skool. wat a freak!!!!well thanx 4 the laugh brodie, i really needed a good laugh at some1 elses stupidity!!!!!!

Oh, my God. She finally replied!

1. If your gonna send hate mail to someone, at least spell their name right genius
2. Dont knock it till you have tried it (RE Lithgow and La Salle)
3. I work at McDonalds, yes, but if it wasnt for that job, I would never have met my darling Matt.
4. My other job (working in Eves with my godparents since they OWN them) allows me to spend quality time with people who love me
5. I dont need to compare myself to a cockroach to consider myself smart. I have my A's and B's in my reports to show me that, however to have made such a comparison yourself, you must have known the similarities between a cockroachs brain and your own. OH WAIT! Cockroaches dont have brains. Whoops I forgot, neither do YOU!
6. I am a great friend. I still have friends that i made in kindergarten. Yes, my best friend, Daniel now lives in Dubbo, but I still have regular contact with him.
7. NEWS FLASH! Family isnt obligated to like you, trust me. My parents, brother, sister and pop are the only people out of my immediate family who want anything to do with me through no fault of my own, and it has been like that ever since I was 2.
8. Like I said, dont knock it til you have tried it. You dont know anything about my life. Hey, I dont walk around everyday thinking of the best way to kill myself.
9. Thanks for the compliment! Just for the record, Graciey is Satans bitch and Im the daughter/secretary. Just so you know, youre not insulting me there.
10. Do you realise that it was only after I contacted Brodie because I wanted to see how she was doing about March last year that she cut all ties with everyone for Lithgow and started sending us all hate mail? Bet ya didnt know that one huh.
11. Did Brodie let you in on why Rachel and I had our fight? Or did she neglect to tell you that Rachel told everyone in our grade the biggest secret I could ever entrust anyone with; something I have kept locked away inside of me, except for when I told her. Did Brodie tell you that she used to bitch and whinge about Rachel all the time to me and then go and suck up her arse? Bet she didnt tell you that huh.
12. I actually am a very spiritual person and believe in Karma, the healing properties of crystals etc. Therefore, all the naturalistic crimes Brodie committed against her ex friends in Lithgow will come back to her threefold. BTW, none of that superstition crap actually works. Ive been through that stage when I was like 8. I purposely broke a mirror, walked under ladders, played with black cats and allowed them to cross my path etc etc and nothing bad ever happened. Just so you know.
13. FYI: DONT EVER CALL ME SWEETHEART! Only Matt calls me that and thats when hes being sarcastic and Im calling him 'dear' or 'darling'.
14. Thanks for the wishes with Emmsy! We will just keep in mind that I get along really well with him and, ever since I started at La Salle, Ive been in his office once and that was so he could ask me if I would go collect for the Red Shield Appeal in a week. I have also never had a detention at La Salle, so Ill be fine this year. But thanks anyway!

Anyway, I gotta go. I got a LIFE to go back to and Im going to see Matt in an hour, so catch ya on the flipside!

Your best friends ex friend

PS Im gonna tell you for the third time and maybe it will get through your thick skull. DONT KNOCK IT TILL YOU HAVE TRIED IT!

And then, there was Chasca.

wow she really did start to run outta things to say and how much did she pay the teachers 4 As n Bs on her repot??!!!and her "darling" matt omg what a fruit loup(i eat them 4 breaky) queer ass bitch and if she belives in karma n stuff then karmas gonna have to kill her lol hmmmmn nyway was good for a laught to read lol ttl luv chaz !!xoxoxoxoxo

I'll give you another update later... we haven't even got to Miranda yet!!